You are an immigrant; You are a person; And you might be lonely...
When I immigrated to the United States in 2014, I was suffering, hurt, alone, and very scared. I arrived to the United States with two duffel bags, and an empty heart. I was so lonely, afraid to love again, afraid to get hurt, afraid to be vulnerable and open up.
You get to a new country that doesn't feel like it is yours, everything is different, new, and can be stressful. I remember wanting everything to be normal and better immediately; Enough to rush what should not be rushed; Enough to lie to myself that I an ready for a relationship; Enough to make stupid mistake after stupid mistake.
I don't think I was able to love, accept, and enjoy who I was, so why would I be ready and able to do so for someone else. I serial-dated finding reasons why the women were to blame, but it was me the whole time. I was struggling to learn who I am as a divorced dad and man, and struggling to learn how to be an immigrant. Immigration is a state of mind, and an immigrant is a status of its own.
Naturally, you want everything to go well, and might be ignorant to American norms related to dating. I can only imagine the shock the women experienced meeting me, dating me, communicating with me, while I probably misunderstand every signal and hint right in front of me. Dating is hard enough to begin with, evermore so with serious baggage of the foreign kind.
Time and time again I was questioned as to my financial stability, immigration status, chances of staying in the United States, and cultural competency. It all clashed with my self-perception as an ex-military officer, professor with a Ph.D., and more. I was struggling to find worth in myself, why would they.
All the women that I dated were divorced with children, they had plenty of their own baggage, and I had plenty of my own. I wasn't ready to take on someone else's baggage, kids, etc. In was of course interrogated as to my ability to relate to children, an area I was well versed in as a father of four, and lover of children.
Naturally, I have never dated divorced mothers before my own divorce, and was not aware how much the "rules of dating" have changed since last dated at all. In addition, dating women in my homeland was culturally very different than dating in the United States. Adding to the challenge, the fact that I am secular and not Christian, made women hesitant to date me. It was hard and hurtful, but understandable.
My own children would visit every summer for a few weeks. At times they met the women I was currently dating. My children being very accepting of others, it seemed simple, yet in hindsight, it probably wasn't. They too have just gone through a divorce of sort of their own, they were also immigrants now, and it must have been shocking.
With time, slowly, I became more confident, better versed in local culture and habits, and the American way of dating. Don't get me wrong, it still felt weird most of the time, fake, strange, and uncomfortable, yet progressed still. Then in February of 2015 I met The One; I met my gorgeous wife to be ...
She changed everything in my life. She found worth in me, was patient and inclusive enough to see my advantages, weigh them against my disadvantages, and still choose to stay. She did not see my foreign culture as a negative thing or a major disadvantage. She helped me work through my trust issues, fear of getting hurt, imbalance between cultures, and more.
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Pumpy & Pumpina is a children's book by Moran Sciamama-Saghiv for 2-5 year olds that teaches them about the heart. Follow the main characters, James, Pumpy, Mary, and Pumpina, as they go about their day to day life and see how their hearts are important and affect them during different activities.
After a about a year of dating, we separated over the content of a prenuptial agreement. We were both too scarred to compromise, and too scarred to successfully navigate the situation. During our one year of separation, I went back to my stupid mistakes, trying to make everything okay as quickly as possible. I immediately started dating other women, suppressing my true feelings, thinking it would make my hurt go away.
To be honest, I was being extremely cruel to any woman I dated during that year. The reason I was cruel is because they had no chance whatsoever being constantly compared to The One. I was hurting, and angry, and my ego got the better part of me. Told you, mistake upon mistake...lots and lots of mistakes.
After a year, I just could not take anymore, I felt half a person without her, and a shitty one as well. I couldn't stop thinking of her, I didn't want to be without her. I was afraid of being rejected by her, terrified that she had found someone else, someone better perhaps...
At 11:45pm I literally couldn't take it anymore and I texted her. I beared my heart to her, and...fell asleep exhausted!
Thankfully, I heard the sound of a text message being received at 12:45am. She texted back. While surprised that I reached out, she was receptive to the idea of getting together, though cautious. When we separated, we were still both living in North Dakota; When we reconnected, she has been posted by the Air Force in Texas. I was determined to never lose her again, no matter what.
I visited her in Texas, and had the "pleasure" of sleeping on the couch (the same one we have now...). I woke up with my entire body aching, but with hope that we would get back together. Flying back and forth between North Dakota and Texas, our relationship grew and got so strong, we were able to navigate the prenuptial agreement, and get married.
Come May 2018, we got married, and had our honeymoon in upper Michigan. Shortly after my wife mad a major career decision to leave the military. She joined me in North Carolina, and took up studying graphic design. The love that rekindled in Texas, now continues in Texas, as we have been living in Texas for the past few years...
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Looking for a book to make you hap'BEE? Look no further. BEE’loved by many, the honey bee is super sweet. In this educational book for children ages 6-8 you’ll have fun learning all about the lives of honey bees. You’ll discover how long they live, what they eat, the many different roles that bees play during their life, and more! This book would be great for a classroom setting in which children are learning about insects and nature or for children at home who have an interest in bees.
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