While I am not a professional dating expert nor consult for a living, I thought I would share with you my advice for successful dating. Especially what not to do, learning from my mistakes as an immigrant trying to date. I am also aware that the saying "easier said than done" applies.
Do not date before you have accomplished mental, physical, work, and financial stability. It is important to be able to establish an understanding that you do not need the person you are dating for any immigrant and/or immigration related benefits.
If you are considering dating mothers or fathers (divorced, single parents) it is important and smart to take measures that indicate you are good with kids, ready for kids, and would accept and take care of someone else's kids. You can include this information in your dating website profile, share relevant photos the first opportunity you have, or share your experiences with kids in general.
Read professional information regarding the dating and courting habits of Americans and or the sub-population that the person you intend to date is part of. Make a subtle gesture that shows your inclusiveness and support of diversity. If English is not your first language, use a professional tool to proofread your profile contents and/or communications with the other person. You may also ask for the help of a person that English is their first language and has good English and grammar. Preference given to some one of the same gender and sexual preferences.
Make sure to ask what would the other person's best first date, second date, etc. include?
Ask what would make them feel the most safe, secure, comfortable, and happy?
Ask them what makes for a great and successful date? - cater to their preferences as much as you can. If any of these choices make you feel fake or not yourself, consider this as reasons not to do them, or as possible reasons you two may not be a good fit.
Try dating them at their pace. As long as a substantial human connection, a high quality connection, is established, the process is going well. Never be in a hurry while dating, yet do not take forever. Do not be afraid to ask the other person what is their ideal pace of advancing a relationship?
Less is sometimes more. My wife is an introvert. She does not speak much if at all, tends to give very short answers, and may take days and weeks to fully process an idea, emotion, and situation. Know that introverts are very intelligent people, that take the time to fully analyze and internalize information and experiences. Yet, they always offer a high quality result at the end. While it might be maddening while waiting, it has always been worth the wait.
Whatever you do, do not give a compliment if you do not mean it; It may backfire later on since they figured you liked it and it is an advantage point they should emphasize. Establish common ground and similarities first, as a firm basis for being able to date though differences and dislikes may exist.
Distinct between having a fight, arguing, and having a disagreement. Try as much as you can to leave the possibility for rebound and compromise. Compromise is a skill needed on a constant basis, invest time into learning how to compromise. Figure out what are your absolute red lines, find a mature and respectful way to convey them as the relationship progresses.
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Never make your current relationship about previous relationships. Try as little as possible to bring up past relationships until this one is stable and strong enough to handle it. Avoid comparing in your head the current person you are dating to your ex/s. Every relationship is a new start, that deserves a fair chance...
My last advice to you as an immigrant is to celebrate who you are without stepping on the other person's toes. Celebrate your culture without creating a competition or conflict with the American culture. Find a way to celebrate both culture in co-existence. Making place for someone in your life demands that you make place for them in your culture.
Just as with any mistake in life (which occur to anyone that is human), I advise you to follow five steps in the following order:
Identify your mistake
Admit to your mistake - out loud preferred; Shows you are not afraid of admitting to your mistakes, and not afraid of mistakes
Analyze your mistake
Learn from your mistake
Grow. Use the first four steps to grow by becoming better in at least one aspect (small or bad)
Last, but not at all least, GOOD LUCK!
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